1) Communicate. You must both be clear about what you want and expect from the relationship. Without good communication, resentments fester and build. This is especially true when children arrive. Many relationships have been destroyed because the couple assumed they wanted the same things. For example, a husband might assume his wife will give up her job once the child is born, while she expects to go part-time. Soon they are furiously rowing, with the husband accusing his wife of selfishness and the wife accusing her husband of sexism.

2) Don’t allow your family to come between you. Unless your partner is clearly in the wrong, you should back them in any dispute with your family. This does not mean you must choose, of course. Most problems can be resolved with tact and grace; for example, a young mother may grow exasperated by her mother-in-law’s relentless criticism and interference, or a husband may resent the way his sister-in-law appears whenever she pleases and makes herself at home, and so on.

3) Give your partner space, if that is what they want. Try to understand your partner’s personality type. Introverts need a great deal of alone time, and you must be mature enough to accept this. Perhaps your new boyfriend lived alone for years before he moved in with you; it may take time for him to adjust. Then again, your partner may be the opposite. People who were deprived of love and nurturing as children, or have come out of an abusive, loveless marriage, often crave more than usual amounts of love, time, and affection.

4) Manners count for a great deal. Passion and romance may keep the fire lit, but manners make day-to-day living tolerable. Do not underestimate the importance of a simple “please” and “thank you.”

5) Make time for one another, and keep it romantic. Saddest of all are the relationships that break down because couples have drifted apart, in spite of the love and affection they continue to feel. Work, children, and aging parents are the most common causes. No matter how important and stressful your job may be, it isn’t worth sacrificing a good relationship.

6) Keep it fun. No matter how many books you read, no matter how much advice you absorb, if you cease to enjoy one another’s company, to laugh and joke and have fun together, your partner will wonder why he or she is with you.

7) Be loyal. Loyalty involves much more than sexual fidelity. Back your partner up if they are being bullied or persecuted at work, if their friends and family turn against them, or if your teenage child treats them badly.

8) Support them. Everyone has their dreams. Perhaps your boyfriend belongs to a rock group which is producing its first album, or maybe your girlfriend hates her job and wishes to retrain as a nurse. Whatever your partner wants to do with their life, try and support them through it.

Everyone has relationship advice, and no list is ever definitive. By following the eight tips above, you may not be guaranteed success, but you will certainly improve the odds.

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